April 11, 2005

Conversations With A Psychic

I recently had an IM session with a psychic. I know. But anyway, here’s how it went (boring parts and private details deleted):

Psychic says:
Ok, so type your full name for me
Draggletail says:
[my real name]
Psychic says:
ok i will tune in here
Psychic says:
i will take a look at what i see and then we can get to your specific questions
Psychic says:
ok so looking at you
Psychic says:
i see you are a very passionate person
Psychic says:
i see that you have a lot of help in spirit around you
Psychic says:
and i see a really strong male guide working with you
Psychic says:
and wants to work closer with you
Psychic says:
create a stronger relationship with you
Psychic says:
i see that you are quite intuitive yourself

Cool! So far, so good.

Draggletail says:
I have a quick question about your process - How much detail do you want from me as I ask a question? I don’t want to be too vague, but I also don’t want to bog you down with too much info or unintentionally “lead” you, you know what I mean? What is best for you?
Psychic says:
just ask a specific question
Psychic says:
it doesn’t change the outcome
Psychic says:
ask exactly what you want to know so i can get you specific answers
Draggletail says:
I moved to this town over a year ago, and it has not been as positive an experience as I had hoped. … Was moving here a mistake? Should I move again?
Psychic says:
well take a deep breath
Psychic says:
there are no mistakes just choices
Psychic says:
however
Psychic says:
i dont see you being able to see a life for yourself there
Psychic says:
to me it looks like you are looking at moving again
Psychic says:
you are having a hard time fitting in

Now, this is true. But it is also obvious, since I just basically told her that.

Psychic says:
you like faster pace
Psychic says:
more city like
Psychic says:
energy
Draggletail says:
I'm torn.
Psychic says:
well you have free will
Psychic says:
i can only tell you what i see
Psychic says:
you are the one who wakes up and has to live your life
Psychic says:
until you make a decesion
Psychic says:
you will stay in that limbo land

Hello! You’re a psychic! I don't want to hear any of this "free will make your own decisions live your own life" mumbo jumbo. I want you to tell me what to do!

So then I rambled a little about my job, and how I wish I could quit and open up a boutique.


Psychic says:
well actually i do get that you would be able to reconnect with that passion i saw in your in the begining

By the way, [sic].

Psychic says:
however
Psychic says:
it looks like that would be a hard biz to make money on
Psychic says:
so i feel its a good idea
Psychic says:
but there is energy around how much you would make
Psychic says:
does that make sense
Draggletail says:
I think so. That how much I make is an issue, somehow.
Psychic says:
i get that you could open a beautful store
Psychic says:
but i get that you would be dissapointed by the profit
Psychic says:
destiny is not set instone
Psychic says:
that is what it looks like today

Noncommital! Then we chat a bit further, and I mention that it is difficult to tap into my creativity sometimes…

Psychic says:
im going to send you a healing here
Psychic says:
on this

You're... sending me a what now?

Draggletail says:
Thanks. ?

Psychic says:
your frustration right now is also about you connecting spiritually
Psychic says:
getting on your spiritual path
Psychic says:
and how ever you reach out to do that
Psychic says:
be it books
Psychic says:
classes
Psychic says:
meditation
Psychic says:
whatever

That interested me, as it is very true of my life right now. The skeptic in me says that anyone who is consulting a psychic is probably reaching out spiritually in some way, and I probably could have gotten this much affirmation from a detailed horoscope, but still. My spirituality has been weighing on me lately, spirituality and religion and humanity, and I have been grasping. So that did strike home.

So while I'm mulling this over, she gets antsy, like, I don't know, maybe she had a hot date or something, and wanted to get off the computer, even though I had paid for an hour of her time.

Psychic says:
what else do you want to ask
Psychic says:
just so you know
Psychic says:
i tend to read really fast
Psychic says:
so keep coming up with the questions
Psychic says:
i want to be sure you get every question you have ever had exausted
Psychic says:
people have this issue with time
Draggletail says:
Damn! [she is now IMing at the speed of light, so I’m feeling pressured and at a loss, since we blew through my questions so fast] Okay, will I ever fit into my favorite jeans again?
Psychic says:
heheh great question1
Psychic says:
well i get a yes on that
Draggletail says:
Awesome.

Then: The inevitable.

Draggletail says:
I always thought I’d get married, but I am truly beginning to think maybe I am just meant to be independent in this lifetime. What do you think? I’m sure this is a common question.
Psychic says:
… this business about you ending up alone blah blah nonsense
Psychic says:
thats just you protecting yourself
Psychic says:
is it right now?
Psychic says:
no
Psychic says:
can you have this?
Psychic says:
yes
Psychic says:
but you want to be at a place where you like you
Psychic says:
you like the life you are living
Psychic says:
when you draw that into you
Draggletail says:
yeah. [and by "yeah" I meant "that's nothing I haven't heard every day since I was about 18 years old"]
Psychic says:
wish there was a magic bullet answer
Psychic says:
but truth is
Psychic says:
there is not

Well then WTF am I paying a psychic for? That should have been my next question.

Draggletail says:
I guess my last question would be about the spirits you see with me... what's up with them?
Psychic says:
and you have many guides
Psychic says:
they come in to do different things
Psychic says:
and help you with all different needs
Psychic says:
there is a guide here who is saying that her name is elizabeth
Psychic says:
and that you can call her by name
Psychic says:
she is also very connected to water
Psychic says:
says that this is a balancing source for you
Psychic says:
part of why you moved here where you are
Psychic says:
to be close to the water
Psychic says:
and [she says] that you are not off your path
Psychic says:
as i think they said in the begining

What kind of namby-pamby honky spirit guides do I have with me, anyway? Pick a side, Elizabeth! Am I miserable or am I not? (Oh, Elizabeth knows I'm just joshing.)

Psychic says:
so even if you think you are
Psychic says:
you are not
Draggletail says:
So Elizabeth is sticking up for me, then?
Psychic says:
yep
Psychic says:
so call on here
Psychic says:
her
Psychic says:
she is totally supportive of you
Psychic says:
and wants to help you
Psychic says:
get grounded
Psychic says:
get your life together
Psychic says:
be there for you
Psychic says:
when you are not there for you
Psychic says:
you should start to ask for what you want
Psychic says:
versus being frustrated about what you dont have
Psychic says:
didnt they say right off the bat that you can recieve
Psychic says:
hello thats big
Psychic says:
many people cant recieve
Psychic says:
are not open
Psychic says:
you are open
Psychic says:
you need to be slapped
Draggletail says:
Wait - slapped!?
Psychic says:
you have many things going for you!
Psychic says:
you are no lost cause
Psychic says:
so unless you have any other big burning qs
Psychic says:
i think you are pretty cooked

2 comments:

lizfisher said...

I like the idea of getting a psychic reading over IM but she didn't really seem to even try to give you any insights! You're cooked? What is that? I think you should stick with Elizabeth from now on.

TDB said...

After I finished laughing out loud at your IMs, I looked again at the last four lines of advice the Psychic gave you--and realized it's actually this pithy, twisted little rock lyric:

"you have many things going for you!
you are no lost cause
so unless you have any other big burning qs
i think you are pretty cooked"

isn't that from a Beck song? maybe something on Midnight Vultures?

and then it came to me: it's actually the voice of Elizabeth, who turns out to be a total bitch. ain't that the luck?