bird bird bird, bird is the word

There is this robin in a tree outside my office window, and he is driving me absolutely crazy. He has been throwing himself against this window for almost a week now. He sits there staring, then dips his head, and hurls himself against the window, thudding his wings and clicking his little feet against the glass. Then he falls to the ledge under the window, hops back into the tree, and 2-3 minutes later, throws himself at the window again.

This is incredibly distracting. Not only am I concerned for this bird’s safety, but it is nerve-rattling to be sitting here at my desk, typing away, and to see him out of the corner of my eye and then hear the thud. Every few minutes! It’s like Chinese water torture!

After the first day, I figured he would tire himself out (or maybe die, hopefully while I was away from the office). But I came in to work the second morning and he was still there, sitting on the branch. So I got some tin foil and taped it up on the window, hoping the glare would scare him off. Unfortunately, our windows are tinted so I don’t even think he could see the tin foil from out there. He continued his onslaught.

So after three days of biting my nails and sitting at my desk on the verge of tears, I got a couple of blank CDs and tied long loops of dental floss through them. I climbed out the window of my office, shimmied along the window ledge, and then hung the CDs from the bird’s tree like Christmas ornaments. (I’m on the third floor, so if I went out the door of my building, I would not have been able to reach the branches that were favored by the bird and key to my plan). It worked! For a while, the bird seemed bewildered by the shiny CDs twirling in his branches. I thought I had solved the problem (and ripped my pants in the process, but it would be worth it if he would fly away). But the next day, he was at it again, apparently having figured out that blank CDs were no threat to him.

And so it continues. My co-worker thinks that he sees his reflection in the window and thinks it’s another bird, so he’s attacking this bird over and over. That’s likely, I suppose. Another co-worker thinks he might have salmonella and that I should call Fish and Game about the situation. I think that it is also possible that he’s staring in at ME. Maybe he wants to peck my head! I am afraid to go out to my car!

Honestly. He is going to damage himself if he doesn’t cut it out. If he didn’t have something wrong with him before, he probably does by now. Dumb bird.